I have not written for a while because I have been dealing with lots of emotional issues.
Four weeks ago my dad passed away. So sad. He was 82 and relatively healthy till he had a stroke. They told me it was not too bad and that he would recover. They told me there was no need
to travel. My dad lived in Argentina, that is where I am from and it is quite far from where I live.
In the last conversations I had with him, he did not want to live any longer. But he still wanted to live and he often visited his doctors.
Being far away is so difficult. For me he is still around and many days I wait for his Skype calls.
I do have a couple of regrets. He was lately a bit slow at talking
and he would forget words, and I was very impatient with him. I also did not want to share many of my problems with him, because we had a different perspective of life. We could not really talk about deep spiritual things.
My dad was a generous person, perhaps too generous and he still treated me like if I was a child.
He was loved by many people. But he was a bit negative. He would always think the worst. And that rubbed on me a lot. My mother is also negative.
Despite their negativity, they had a good life, but things went wrong 15 years ago when my younger sister passed away from breast cancer.
On another point, I was trying to convince my parents to switch to a plant based diet. But my dad could not eat greens because his blood was being thinned. They also found any excuses not to change. And their diet was not bad compared to other people.
My dad was an hypochondriac, and whenever he felt a pain, he would just rush to the doctor. Unfortunately he had been taking lots of medication for years. He had high cholesterol and high blood pressure, for years.
I am so sad that I could not see him and as said I still have so many regrets. On the other hand, I believe in life after death, and I know he is around and that we will meet again. I hope next time we all come back more positive and with less anxiety.
It is sad losing people, specially when you are far away. It was hard losing my sister also. My dad and my sister are now together. So they say. I do not know. Perhaps my sister has started her new life on this Earth or another place. He wanted to be with her, and he called her name days before he passed on. So perhaps they are together.
What I learned from my dad and his passing
- To be generous: He was always generous with us and with everyone else. He would do anything for anyone if you asked him . He has done even for my friends
- To be positive: Even though he was not positive, his negative side reminds me that I need to be positive in life. I create my own future
- To value myself: I did not and I still have trouble valuing myself, but my dad kept seeing only whatever I had achieved. And I argued with him about it.
- To Jog: My dad was the one that introduced me to jogging in the early 80’s. I never liked exercising until I lost all the weight thanks to my parents. We jogged together many times until I moved overseas.
I started running again but I stopped. I find it difficult in winter and with plenty of commitments. But I will start running or doing yoga.
- Always have your camera ready: This is a bit funny. Twenty yeas ago I met my parents in Europe, We went to Austria, Holland, and Germany. We danced in Austria, and I took many photos. This was before the digital revolution. My camera felt so good, the film seemed to last forever. I took plenty of photos, only to realize towards the end of the trip, that the camera did not have any film in it. Oh, what a waste of photos. My dad was quite upset.
- Live life to the fullest: In the end the pain, shame, negative emotions do not matter. we all go back home. So why not give everything to live the best life you can live.
- To always express your feelings. Always say to your loved ones how much you love them. I wish I had told my dad more often “I love you, dad”